Guide for Cancer Supporters

by

Richard & Annette Bloch

Nearly everyone is touched by someone they know getting cancer. The universal reaction is one of helplessness. "I don't know what to say," "I don't know what to do." The following will help you be constructive and show your
concern.

Let the patient know you are thinking about them. Do not procrastinate. Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is the main performance. It is now, as soon as you hear about the problem, that the patient needs to know of your concern and caring. Visit the patient even if you feel uncomfortable.

Regardless of the prognosis, the patient is still a human being with the same likes and dislikes as before the diagnosis. Their focus may have changed, but their interests remain the same. They should not be treated as a leper - they are not contagious. They should not be neglected or ignored.

The most comfortable way to approach them is to be natural, be open, talk about their problem and be as normal in your conversation as always. Avoiding the subject and being hush-hush causes more stress and strain with everyone involved. Use the word cancer - call it what it is.

Be totally honest with any discussions. Never lie or state anything that is not a fact. For example, never say, "I know you are going to get well." You can't possibly know that. On the other hand, do not think of the patient as
being hopeless. Your feelings have a way of coming through. Any conversation with the patient about the future of their disease should be expressed as optimistically as possible. For example, "I read about great progress being made with new discoveries and new treatments," "You have so many things going for you," etc. is so much more optimistic than saying, "So many people die from this disease."

Never compare the patient with anyone else. Don't give advice on new treatments and certainly don't recommend alternative therapies such as macrobiotic diets, etc. No two cases of cancer are the same. Treatments, side effects or results for one patient can be completely different for another.

Talk about past occasions and achievements and reminisce about good times. Let them know how they have been special and meaningful in your life. Don't be afraid to be funny and laugh. Laughter is therapeutic. Don't be afraid to cry with the patient and family. It can lead to meaningful conversations.

Possibly the most important word is "listen." The burden of conversation will not be entirely on your shoulders. Hear and comprehend what the patient is truly saying. Share your feelings and thoughts about their concerns.

The above is an excerpt from Guide for Cancer Supporters by Richard and Annette Bloch. It is step-by-step ways to help a relative or friend fight cancer. This book is available free of charge, post-paid by calling the Cancer Hot Line, 800-433-0464 or 816-854-5050 or e-mail us at hotline@hrblock.com.