The greatest single thing that you can do to help a cancer patient is to convince them to make up their mind to really fight it. They must, on their own, make the commitment that they will do everything in their power to fight their disease. No exceptions. Nothing halfway. Nothing for the sake of ease or convenience. Everything! Nothing short of it. When they have done this, they have accomplished the most difficult thing they will have to accomplish throughout their entire treatment. And it doesn't matter how serious or how minor they are led to believe their cancer is.
If it is minor, great. Their commitment should not be difficult to abide by. If they are told they are going to die in 3 months or 3 years or whatever, their commitment is that much more vital. There are a lot of "terminal" people alive, healthy and cancer free. There is no type of cancer for which there is no treatment. There is no type of cancer from which some people have not been cured.
The statistics for the worst kind of cancer show a 2% survival, meaning 20 out of 1,000 beat it. We have received numerous letters from individuals stating they were told they were terminal and are now cancer free.
To give up requires no commitment. They can stay in the comfort of their own lifestyle. Fighting means a complete change of lifestyle, absolutely leaving their comfort zone. There will be doctors doing things they might not like. There will be lots of work for them to do. There might even be some pain and suffering and, certainly, lots of new and unexpected experiences. They must decide that the end is worth the means because they are the only one who can do it. No one else can do it for them. There is no half way. It's all the way. But when it is all said and done, no matter what the results, I've never met anyone who felt it was not the best way. See that they go for it with no second thoughts or regrets. Remember, once they have made the commitment, everything else is relatively easy. There will be pleasant experiences. There will be unpleasant experiences. But I can promise you nothing they will do will be as difficult as making the decision to make the commitment.
You will probably find your friend or relative saying, "I'm going to make it," or "Sure, I'll do everything needed." But that is a long way from making the commitment. Without a commitment, every step of the way is another torturous decision. Should I do this? Should I do that? Is this worth the time or effort? With the commitment, there is only one question: will it help me? If it might, then they do it. If it won't help, they don't do it. You can help the patient by seeing that they make this commitment and then help them stick to it. At the initial diagnosis, my wife cried in the visitor's waiting room. When I came to in the recovery room with my wife there and was told I had cancer, I cried. My wife said in determination, "Dick, we're going to beat this. Give me your word and promise that you and I are going to fight and beat this thing together." I did and I stopped crying right there.
A year of tough treatments later, when an X-ray unexpectedly showed what appeared like a recurrence, I said to my wife that I could not go through this all over again. She again said in a tough and determined voice, "You can, and you will if you have to." I agreed and was willing to start all over again if need be. Thank goodness this time the commitment was not necessary because it was scar tissue and not a recurrence, but I would have had I needed to.
I was diagnosed on a Wednesday. Being told I was terminal by one doctor, I first talked to a new doctor 900 miles away at 11 pm. He suggested I come on Thursday, and they would examine me on Friday. They were closed on Saturday and Sunday. Because I might never see my home again and I had a substantial job ahead of me to get my affairs in order, I asked to come on Sunday so they could examine me on Monday. It was really only one working day difference and gave me four days at home to get straightened out. This new doctor stated that if I was not there "tomorrow," he would not treat me. Later I realized that it was not the one day that was important. It was being certain that I would make the commitment to do everything it would take to fight cancer and win.
A diagnosis of cancer is not a death sentence. Half of all patients, including those who give up, are saved. For some types of cancer, over 9 out of 10 people can be considered cured. Of the others, many go into remission or have their cancer controlled for a long period of time. Indeed, there are sunrises as well as sunsets to be enjoyed. See that they make plans for living with cancer and its treatments. See that they make plans for living.
Work with the patient, discuss, coerce, convince, do whatever is necessary so that the patient makes a true commitment to do everything in their power to fight their disease. It will save untold painful decisions later on with the possibility of many resulting mistakes. By doing everything automatically that could possibly be helpful, their life will be much easier and probably better.
Chapter 3, Getting in charge