The phrase, "I'd like to help, but I don't know what I can do" can no longer be a part of your vocabulary. In this one chapter we shall try to go through a multitude of specific actions you can take to assist a cancer patient over and above orthodox medical treatments. Not one of them include the words, "I'm sorry." Every single one of them contains actions to imply that you care and you are with them every step of the way to help fight this disease. 

While all kinds of actions are important, I would rate at the top getting the patient to practice relaxation and visual imagery 3 times a day for 15 minutes each. It has powerful potential to help and no possibility of hurting if done properly. Some time ago, when there were only 3,000 board certified medical oncologists, there were 5,000 individuals trained and professionally teaching relaxation and visual imagery. It is never recommended in lieu of medical treatments. Only in addition to them.

Two cancer treatment specialists rationalized that if the mind played a function in causing cancer, as many people believe, why couldn't the mind be trained to help treat the cancer. They started a clinic in 1976 and brought 150 cancer patients there. These were not normal cancer patients, though. They had two unique qualities. First, they were terminal because their doctor said they were going to die imminently from their cancer. Second, they could have no possible medical treatments such as chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, hyperthermia, immunotherapy, etc. These people were going to die from their cancer.

They taught these people two things. First of all, they taught these people to relax. Not just superficially, but a way down deep relaxation. It is a scientifically proven fact that tumors grow faster in mice under stress. What is the dangerous part about cancer? The fact that it will continue to grow! If it never grew from where it is, the patient could live another 100 years with it. If, by relaxing, the growth rate of the tumor could be slowed, there is no question they would be better off.

Second, the specialists taught these people to visualize their cancer and think it away. Sound silly? Some 2 years later, when Annette and I read about them in the newspaper, of the initial group of 150 terminal cancer patients using only their minds to think away the cancer, some 10% were completely free of cancer. Another approximately 10% were dramatically improved. A third roughly 10% had their cancer stabilized. My wife and I made up our minds that if this gave me a 30% chance of staying alive instead of none, we were going to go there. As it was, the doctors felt they could successfully treat me. However, I used relaxation and imagery in conjunction with the medical treatments. I cannot say that it is what cured me, but I can state without any question that it made me feel better. I believe it helped, and I positively know it did not hurt me. I would never recommend this in lieu of medicine but only in addition to everything else the physician wants to do.

For a graphic demonstration of what visual imagery is, close your eyes and imagine you are holding a fresh yellow lemon in your left hand. Pretend to take a knife in your right hand and cut the end of the lemon off. Imagine holding the rest of the lemon above your mouth, sticking your tongue out and squeezing lemon juice on your tongue. What happens? You start to salivate. You cannot help yourself. Absolutely nothing happened except that you imagined lemon juice dripping on your tongue, and your saliva glands started working. It is the same theory that, by imaging your thymus gland, you are able to increase the production and flow of natural killer cells and maybe they are able to control or destroy malignant cells.

Some children successfully employ the use of visualization by imaging their natural killer cells looking like Pac-Man gobbling up their cancer bit by bit. One researcher at a prestigious mid-western institution was able to induce complete remission in 2 children with terminal brain cancer after all medical treatment had failed. 

There is no right way and no wrong way to do these exercises. The only important thing is to do them regularly. A patient is not supposed to feel anything at the time. This could be compared to radiation therapy, where the patient feels nothing when the treatment is given. Several recommended methods of practicing relaxation and visual imagery are explained in the book Fighting Cancer, available free by calling 1-800-433-0464.

Tapes to help understand and practice relaxation are available from numerous sources including private practitioners and public libraries. If you have a problem finding one locally, you may borrow one free by sending a self-addressed, stamped envelope requesting "tape" to the Cancer Hot Line, 4400 Main Street, Kansas City, Mo. 64111.

As a supporter of a cancer patient, you would be wise in personally practicing the relaxation part of the exercise regularly, at least twice a day. You are naturally under a great deal of stress and the more you can control it and remain calm and serene, the better it is for you and the more you can help the 
patient. By practicing relaxation twice a day, you will find yourself much more tolerant and easy going. You will be able to do a great deal more for the patient without becoming irritable, impatient and stressed out. Try it for ten days. You'll notice a big difference. 

A simple action can mean a great difference in results. If I were to buy a building that required a great deal of money to fix up, I would like to know it had a good foundation so that my efforts would not be in vain. The same concept applies to a cancer patient. Before spending a lot of time taking treatments and possibly expending their one chance to beat the disease, make certain their attitude is receptive to winning. See that the patient takes the mental attitude quiz in the book Fighting Cancer or available free by sending a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the Cancer Hot Line, 4400 Main Street, Kansas City, Mo. 64111 and requesting "Quiz." 

This test has not been proven scientifically accurate and is certainly not meant to change any attitudes. It is only meant to find out the patient's deep down feelings on how anxious they are to recover and how much they are willing to do to accomplish this. If the quiz shows their attitude is good, go for it. If not, wouldn't it be wise to seek competent counseling to try to correct the situation as early as possible? 

Try to get the patient to join a support group. There are many psychologists who believe this is extremely important in the patient's scheme of recovery. In a Stanford University study, a specific group of patients who attended weekly support group sessions survived almost twice as long as patients receiving just routine cancer care. Support groups range from organizations like the Wellness Community in Santa Monica, the R.A. Bloch Cancer Support Center in Kansas City and the ExCaP in New Haven with their weekly, professionally supervised support groups and numerous daily programs, to church groups that meet monthly or twice a month.

Like everything else, often it is difficult to get the patient to start. It is foreign to the way we have been raised. We are taught not to discuss our problems with others. Once they break the ice and get comfortable, they will find it among their better times. Having spent a great deal of time at numerous support programs, it appears to substantially help the quality of life of participants. If there is one available for supporters of cancer patients, get yourself involved in it. You, too, can benefit.

To find out where there are support groups in your area, call places like the American Cancer Society, the Leukemia Society, a cancer hot line, a church or mental health agency, or look in the newspaper under support programs. Something should be available if you try. If you live in a very remote area that is too far to commute to the nearest town, see if you can locate neighbors who have had a similar problem who would be willing to get together possibly weekly to discuss whatever they have on their minds. If each patient brings one or two supporters, it only takes 3 or 4 patients plus their supporters to have a nice group. 

Get the patient to laugh at every opportunity and create those opportunities often. See that they watch humorous television programs, listen to funny radio shows, attend humorous movies or go to comic stage shows. It is easy to rent old Laurel & Hardy, the 3 Stooges or Marx Brothers films and show them at home or in a hospital room. Norman Cousins claimed he healed himself with humor. It certainly can't hurt and it makes most people forget their problems and feel better.

Getting the patient a pet can do wonders. Having a little puppy or a cat to care for, to talk to, to pet, to feed and just to smile at can improve the quality of life. If a pet is out of the question, a plant can provide many of the same benefits with a much smaller degree of responsibility.

Another way you can assist a cancer patient is with their plan of physical activities. All oncologists I have heard recommend exercise within reason.

It is beneficial both physically and emotionally. The theory is to do as much as they can in view of their background, their specific problems and their physical condition, but not to overdo exercise. Therefore, there is no pat rule applicable to all patients.

One individual recovering from serious surgery may be doing well to lift their arm 45 degrees 3 times a day while another could do their normal time on an aerobic circuit. If the patient is capable but has not been used to exercising, you should assist them. Play a game with them. Go for a walk with them at their pace for whatever time is reasonable. Do not let them vegetate. Do whatever you can with them to keep them moving as long as you do not over tire them. 

Another area in which you can assist is diet and nutrition. This is an extremely complex area with a great many assumptions and very few probable facts. Everyone's taste is different and further affected by the treatments they may be receiving, as well as their image of their weight and what they would like it to be. With that in mind, let's see if we can come up with some generalizations.

There is a saying that if a person is going to recover from cancer, it is going to be their own immune system that cures them with the help of their doctors. Since the strength of the immune system is directly proportional to nutrition intake, it is vital that the patient eats a well-balanced diet sufficient to maintain their strength. This is further compounded by the fact that many treatments hinder a person's desire or ability to eat. Therefore, a concentrated effort is required to consume a well-balanced diet.

This is no time to go on any fad diets or try to lose weight. Certain cancers are evidenced by a loss in weight; so, it is that much more important to maintain weight. High fiber, low fat diets may or may not help in preventing cancer. The jury is still out. But there is no place for it in fighting cancer. Macrobiotic diets or any other kind of unbalanced diet may be touted on the same grounds that any medicine that tastes bad enough must be good for you. However, there is no evidence that they will help your immune system. As a matter of fact, most professional dieticians state that a well-balanced diet is the best for enhancing the immune system. 

Take your patient out to restaurants that serve well-balanced meals, not just fast food places. Fix them healthy, varied meals at home even though they ask for a very limited menu. Urge them to eat a sufficient quantity, even if it means forcing themselves. An attractively prepared dish can be much more appealing and possibly enhance their desire to eat. Play games to get them to eat like you would with a baby. They need your help and you can demonstrate your love and caring by taking your time and patience to get them to eat enough well-balanced foods. 

While they are eating enough, they should keep themselves active in whatever projects are normal in their lives that they can continue. If they work or go to school and they are capable of continuing while on treatments, they certainly should. If they have to reduce their activities slightly and that is possible, they should. If they have to take a few days off during treatments, they should and then go back and resume. If they cannot maintain their pre-cancer lifestyle, find something less strenuous that they enjoy and get them into it. If they can't continue to be a gym instructor, maybe they can teach English.
If they can't appear seven nights a week in a road company, maybe they can sing in a church choir. Maybe they can do part time work for a hospital or other charitable organizations.

Put your mind to it and you will see that there are many options. The easy thing for them to do is sit back and do nothing, but that is the least healthy. Find something constructive to keep their mind and body occupied. There is a saying, "Idle hands get into mischief." Idle minds will conjure up all kinds of bad things and allow the patient to concentrate on negatives without hope for relief. Keeping mentally occupied will minimize depression and allow them to think pleasant thoughts.

The days can be more valuable if they can learn to enjoy mundane moments as well as memorable occasions. This is true whether they have weeks or years left. It is true, in fact, whether they have a life-threatening disease or not. Physical well-being is closely tied to emotional well-being. The time the patient takes in not dwelling on their cancer strengthens them for the time they must devote to fighting it.

Another field of assistance, apparently regardless of a person's beliefs, can be prayer. A trial was done at the University of California-San Francisco with patients for open heart surgery. They were randomized into a trial group and a control group by a computer so that both groups were identical. No one knew who was in which group. The patients, the doctors and the nurses did not know. No one knew. The names of the patients in the trial group were given to students at a monastery to pray for several times a day. After the trial was over, the results were analyzed. The patients in the trial group had a significantly faster recovery with fewer side effects.

The implications of that are mind boggling to me. Imagine how the results could have been enhanced if the doctors and nurses knew who was being prayed for, to say nothing of the patients themselves. When I was going through treatments, a friend advised he was saying a prayer for me every day. I told my wife I had to get well to fulfill his prayers. It made me feel so great. 

No matter what your beliefs or those of the patient, say prayers for them and let them know you are saying prayers for them. Try your best to get them to say prayers for themselves. Maybe no one can prove that it will help, but there is no possible way it could hurt. If it did nothing but keep their mind occupied that much longer, it would improve the quality of their life. In all probability, it can do a lot more than that.

Touching, holding and hugging are ways to express the acceptance and caring that is so important to the patient. More than words, they show love and express your belief in the patient's continued desirability as a physical being. Disfigurement or debilitation caused by treatment can affect reactions. Look beyond these physical changes to the person within, the one who more than ever needs your love and physical reassurance of that love. 

Admittedly, it is a difficult time. Beset by treatment reactions, anxiety, self-doubt or possibly by a mistaken notion of what your feelings are might cause the patient to withdraw from you. Try to prevent a cycle of misunderstanding from developing. As the well partner, try to feel sure in your love and reach out gently and repeatedly, if necessary, to provide the reassurance that cancer cannot destroy your relationship. Talk openly with tact and restraint about the patient's physical appearance and your understanding and continued devotion to them.

Chapter 9, Summary